He is endearing and he’s 6 and “boys will be boys.” But, the girl he kissed without permission is also probably endearing, also 6 and not interested in his touching her. The hard and unpleasant part is the idea that her right not to be involved in his working through learning self-control is legitimate.
While reading this article I couldn’t help but think of my experiences growing up with boys and kisses. This is a bit of a rambling rant that doesn’t really seem to have a purpose and only the second part is truly relevant to the contents of the article…
When I was in middle school only 6th grade I think there was a boy I really liked and he seemed to like me back for christmas I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek after he gave me some perfume and body lotion. For the next couple months we weren’t together as a couple but we both really liked each other, we would talk and hang out and do all sorts of things.
But soon I realized he was just playing with me, how could I be so dumb as to think an 8th grader liked me? How could I be so naive as to think I was different from the way he treated the rest of the kids? Turns out I wasn’t different, I was just another toy for his amusement and when I started to pull away from him and he took it upon himself to make my life difficult.
I was a good girl, I had never been called down to the principles office or even gotten in trouble. So when I was sent to his office one day and he was sitting there and the principle looked so stern I was confused and scared. Turns out he went to the man and said I sexually harassed him claimed that chased kiss on the cheek I had given him nearly 4 months ago was much more then what it was, that he hadn’t wanted it and so much more.
I remember how betrayed I felt and how helpless. The first time I had any contact with a boy and here he was making it sound like I snogged him until he could barely breath and had scared him for life. I couldn’t understand how or why he could do that to me just because I was pulling away from our friendship. It hurt but in time I got over it.
A year or so later I was at a church summer camp right. There was a boy there who was really cute, again a couple years older but he was so nice and friendly. We flirted best we could at that age and one day we found ourselves sitting in companionable silence back to back reading and talking about what ever happened to of crossed our minds. I’ll never forget the feel of how he turned around. How he grabbed my chin and forced my face to his. How his lips felt when they touched mine or how his tongue forced its way into my mouth. I’ll never forget how his grip was like iron and how there was no passion or tenderness in the kiss. There was no thought of me in that touch only of himself. I’ll also remember how quickly I became aware that he was bigger then me, stronger then me and very likely faster then me.
I will never forgive him for stealing my first kiss without my permission. He scared me deeply and it took a long time for me to be able to trust a boy again with my heart or the chance to kiss me. Four years I went with no interaction with boys it wasn’t until I was nearly a senior in high school that I became reacquainted with an old middle school friend who had carried a torch for many years.
I’ll always be greatful to him for helping me become receptive once more to the attentions of men.
I need everyday feminism because there are still a lot of boys and men who think it’s ok to use girls and cause them pain and to take what they want from us physically with no care of how we feel.