The Color of Emotion
The color of emotion is a many layered thing that is hard for a mortal to grasp and catch hold of but there are some who for a brief moment catch hold of it and ride the different currents that make up humanity… but then the moment ends and all is bleak and grey again.
Is it better to of seen the rainbow in its full glory or to have never known and be satisfied with the daily color of grey? To feel how high ecstasy can fly and swim to the very bottom of despair all in a single breaths time?
I had a moment like that, where emotions were something for me to play with. Where I was able to ride wave after wave of pure elation then dive to the bottom of despair and revel in the tide as it pulled me down… a whole spectrum of emotions I had barely thought to explore. After all some emotions were to be stomped out as soon as felt for they would bring no good to those who felt them.
Pain. Pleasure. Sadness. Joy. Anger. Peace. Lust. Love. Loyalty. Envy. Pity.
They all have a place in this world and can be used to our benefit or detriment. For a moment I was in control of them all and the world was full of possibilities.
Then the moment passed, and the world was back to being grey as usual.
I’m one of those poor souls who is easily wounded by the words and actions of others even if they had no intentions of doing so. I am also one who can take several days before I’m able to drag my sorry mental ass out of the hole I buried myself in with a thick blanket of depression.
There are days when the sadness seems to much, when the future seems hopeless and the world seems horrible grey. There are days I think that maybe, I should look into taking anti-depressants. After all they are a miracle drug, right? Just take a little pill and no more heart aching sadness, no more emptiness inside, no more aching for what you know can never be for you are not worthy of it. No just one little pill and it’s all better… all better.
But I wonder… if it takes away the terrible sadness would it also take away the glorious joy? The spikes of confidence and determination that strike at random moments. Would I no longer find myself flying with pure happiness at the most trivial of things?
Would I stop being myself?
Would puddles cease to amuse me as much as a reprimand will make me wilt? Will the world of wonder and bliss I get to experience disappear? I don’t know if that would change and I love who I am and what I see and feel to much to take the chance to disappear into a drug induced haze. There are day, many days where it seems to much to bare.
There are days where it isn’t, and even if there are twice as many terrible days as there are beautiful ones I’ll take them as they are. As they all are, instead of taking some pills that might erase those bright moments.
How can we strive to see only color when we limit ourselves to only understanding grey?
The Growing Season turned 1 today!
The Bear & The Hare
No I didn’t cry or anything….
HAHA! A reference to one of my fav (The Devils Panites) comics of all time.